Remembering my mother

On the occasion of Mother’s Day (May 9, 2011), I remember my mother who died 4 years ago.  Along with the lessons of life and living from the true story by Mitch Albom, “Tuesdays with Morrie”, I recall the past, its relevance to the present in order to have a glimpse of the future.

“Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do.” Acceptance of who I am, what I can do and cannot do is my faithful recognition of God’s wisdom in my life.  To my dying Nanay, I have been praying and offering my daily Masses for the grace of forgiveness and reconciliation.  She has been lying in bed since February 2007.

My parents may have lots of misgivings and resentments against me because I failed to break their bondage from poverty.  I can only ask God for our emotional healing.  The Lord only knows when and how.

“Accept the past as past without denying it or discarding it.” I have many happy and bitter memories with my parents and siblings.  The hardships, sufferings and sacrifices I experienced became opportunities to work hard in order to earn an academic degree.  The most fulfilling achievement happened when I was appointed assistant instructor effective April 1, 1976 to teach during summer that same year.  I was thrilled to handle a class that included some of my classmates who failed to graduate with me a week earlier.

My first salary for April and May was received with excitement.  I joyfully handed the whole amount to my mother.  Unfortunately, she did not say anything nor showed appreciation.   When I remitted to her my full salary for June, my heart bled when she commented, “Mao na lang ni?” I was dumbstruck and failed to explain.  I was wounded by their ingratitude.  It was the beginning of a change of my attitude towards them.  As the eldest, I committed myself to help and assist my siblings with their studies.  I supported my parents with their financial needs but they were discontented.  I missed their understanding and cooperation.  From being selfless, I became selfish.

After three (3) years of wandering, I decided to wean off and be detached from them.  I opted to have a family of my own.  Accordingly, “the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, to learn to love and bond in the deepest way is to have your own children”.   Indeed, Judy and I are blessed with two (2) grown-up and responsible daughters who are professionals in their chosen career and an only son who is still in the elementary.  With them, I nurture my past and remind myself that “the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and let it come in”.  “To be fully human means connectedness with society.”  Basically, it starts with my own family then to the community surrounding me like the BCBP.

“Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.” This is a lesson we learn and relearn daily as we pray, “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”.  One of the realizations I have in our many BCBP teaching especially during the marriage retreat is that my love ones who are dearest to me were hurting me most and vice versa.  I resolved to forgive them and myself.  I pray that they forgive me as well.

“Don’t assume that it’s too late to get involved.” Nothing is too late to renew and heal broken relationships.  It is a matter of personal determination and God’s grace that we attain harmony and peace.  According to Pope Benedict XVI, “True peace is a harmonious coexistence of individuals governed by justice, where there is productive and sincere relationship following the path of forgiveness and reconciliation, being transparent in their dealing and faithful to their word.”

Human as I am being austerely practical, I planned and decided to simply send cash for the burial of my mother and other related expenses.  However, it was not so.  God provided me the opportunity to personally see her die peacefully reconciled with His divine will.  Arriving late in the evening, I found her deeply asleep with normal breathing.  I thought speaking with her in the morning was better than waking her up.  Lightly touching her skin and bony right arm, I mentally assured her that “I am around” during her dying moment.  She passed away at 3:00 a.m. on May 11, 2007.  Her death was my extraordinary gift from the Lord.  I praise and thank Him for answering my prayer lifted up for over a year.

During the second novena night, my brother knights (K of C Council 7507) with their respective wives (CFC) offered a prayer service to my amazement.  Knowing that it coincided with my 52^nd birthday, they readily sung joyful and lively birthday songs that I heard for the first time in my life.  I was deeply touched.  Indeed, “Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted” (Mt 5:4).   

One overnight vigil was spent luxuriantly with my dear cousin.  She is an elementary school teacher whose husband is a retired policeman.  We enthusiastically exchanged experiences and stories with the Lord keeping us surprisingly awake.  As active members of Couples for Christ (CFC), the most appropriate talk they use to comfortably deliver every time there is a Christian Life Program (CLP) in their locality is “Repentance and Faith”.

I was awestruck by our brothers and sisters (BCBP Baybay Chapter) who likewise rendered prayer service the night before burial.  Filled with astonishment, I admire, appreciate and acknowledge the initiative of the Mission Director, Music Ministry Head along with some active members headed by no less than their faithful Chapter Head.  Their exemplary deed is worth emulating.

Equally amazing was the physical presence of our empathic brothers and sisters from BCBP Consolacion Chapter.  They sailed the extra nautical miles to cross Camotes Sea to celebrate with us the Funeral Mass, a celebration of life, faith and love.

Inscribed in my mind are the generous donors who helped us with the finances.  I acknowledge with grateful heart everyone who united with us in “learning how to live by learning how to  die”.

The date of burial unexpectedly coincided with the second day of the grand reunion and alumni homecoming in my Alma Mater, my first and only prestigious employer.  Truly, death in the family reunites relatives and friends whom we missed for a long time.  To some extent, healing of relationships was attained.  In my mother’s tombstone is written the epitaph, “Death ends your life, not our relationship.”

In behalf of my family who is filled with gratitude, I say, “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift" (2 Cor 9:15). nmg