Sunday, October 30, 2011

Tragic faces of death

This Halloween feature is triggered by Jeje Caintic, my niece now based at Italy when she shared the meaning of the occasion.

Pamilya gimasaker sa amahan was the October 17, 2011 headline of Sun.Star Super Balita.  I paid a total of two thousand seven hundred pesos for obstruction of traffic and towing.  I am not used to buy newspaper but that Monday morning intrigued me with what I heard about a parricide and suicide in Talisay City, Cebu of the Ponce family.  I was driving our ISUZU Elf loaded with 2 cu. m. of gravel when I bought the newspaper.  The truck engine stopped and did not start allowing the Mandaue City's towing business make money as quick as lightning inconsiderate of the less than a kilometer towing.  Those incidents were horrifying! Two (2) years earlier, I have documented the following tragic faces of death:

The incident that happened after our breakfast fellowship at San Narciso Parish Pastoral Center in Consolacion, Cebu last October 24, 2009 reminded me of several ways how physical life is terminated.  A relatively old man committed suicide by nose-diving from the skywalk near the venue like he was plunging into a swimming pool.  It was an awful and pitiful sight for all of us in the Community who saw his fresh and bubbling blood oozing from his nose and mouth with his face flat on the cemented road.  His shoulders jerked for a few moments for his last breath.  In the afternoon, the intercessory group prayed for his eternal rest and for his family’s relief from their grief.


That tragedy brought me to vividly fearful flashbacks.  When I was still a kid at 8 years old, I spent sleepless nights being haunted with the imagery of the bloated boy floating nearby.  In Mantahan, Maasin, So. Leyte, we were living near the seashore and during high tide, sea water was under our rented house.  The poor boy drowned a day before while together with his elder brother, they were fishing with the hook and line.  I saw that freak accident.  He was caught by a huge wave and was not found that fateful afternoon.

I was a witness to a revengeful murder when I was still in College.  I was among the crowd of onlookers standing around the basketball court where the benefit dance of our barrio was held in Kilim, Baybay, Leyte.  A neighbor who was a ‘dirty’ basketball player was stabbed to death.  It was very frightening and terrifying because he was only an arm away in front of me.  His basketball opponent that afternoon who was the murderer ran from the other side of the road towards his victim thrusting the 2 feet long and sharp bolo.  It is still fresh in my mind how the pointed tip of the murder weapon stroke his back piercing through his abdomen.  It sounded like the bolo forcefully penetrated into a soft banana trunk.  Tsakk!!  It happened at about midnight right after the music ended and everyone dancing was seated.  Dramatically, the victim was able to walk toward the center of the dance ground with the weapon stuck in his body until he collapsed to his death.  I trembled with the afterthought, “What if I was a mistaken target?” I could have been classified “being in the wrong place at the wrong time”.  I was so horrified that we kept discussing about it until morning without sleep.

One early bright morning on our way to a field trip to visit an “integrated farm” in Tacloban City to enrich the theoretical and classroom instruction of my students (Dept. of Horticulture, ViSCA, Baybay, Leyte), we were shocked to see an able bodied and robust man on top of his pedal operated cab newly killed. Our school bus was the first to arrive at the ”scene of the crime” (SOC).  Everyone of us in the bus had a strategic view of the man heinously gunned down point-blank at the head.  There was no blood but a clear sticky fluid with his saliva dripped from his mouth like a slaughtered pig.  Later, we learned that the casualty was a rebel returnee salvaged by his “comrade in arms”.    

The foregoing tragic faces of death are contrasted with the peaceful death of my mother-in-law (1996), my father-in-law (1999) and my own mother (2007).  Accordingly, “death can be seen as birth”.  “At the end of the birth canal, it seems fierce, portentous and full of pain.  Similarly, death is a scary tunnel and we are being sucked toward it by a powerful force” (Philip Yancey, Where Is God When It Hurts?).

To a man who has not lived nor died, it is declared: “There was a very cautious man, who never laughed nor played.  He never risked, he never tired, he never sang or prayed.  And when one day he passed away, his insurance was denied.  For since he never really lived, they claimed he never died.” nmg 


Saturday, October 15, 2011

A eulogy for Kuya Paskie

“Kuya Paskie, ang imong mga buluhaton ug responsilidad sa imong pamilya, sa Philippines Network of Rural Development Institutes (PhilNet) ug sa Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen and Professionals (BCBP) naputol sa imong hinanaling kamatayon apan ang atong relasyon ug ang imong mga maayong binuhatan magpadayon. ‘Your earthly life ended not our relationship’ (Mitch Albom , Tuesdays with Morrie).” 

Brothers and Sisters, are you familiar with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen Covey? To begin with the end in mind is the second habit that struck me that keep ringing in my mind.  In fact, I have written my personal reflection about my own death 3 years ago.  Recently, I have posted it in my website in honor of the meaningful and fruitful memories I have with Kuya Paskie.

On occasions like this, the Celebration of Life through the death of our dear, worthy and respected brother and friend, let us be reminded that “God does not tell us when we are going to die because He wants it to be a big surprise”.   Indeed, Kuya Paskie’s untimely death is a big surprise and a great loss for us in the Brotherhood (BCBP).  We in the BCBP Community share the sorrow that the family experience.  In behalf of the BCBP Consolacion Chapter and in my capacity as the Mission Director, I am tasked to deliver this eulogy expressing our common feeling of an intimate personal relationship with him.  This is also an acknowledgement of a valuable legacy he left behind.  Certainly, this relationship and legacy keep him alive in our hearts and minds.

Allow me to reveal a brief inside story with the hope that this revelation will lead us to know God more and see Christ being alive in each one of us.  Ate Pureza and my wife, Judy were high school classmates (Class ‘74 in St. Joseph’s Academy, Mandaue City). It was easier to convince Ate Pureza to join the Community but not with Kuya Paskie.  He had reservations and doubts regarding the sincerity of the renewal with his negative impressions from his hometown in Tacloban City.  I learned and understood how engrossed he was with his official duty as the regional coordinator of PhilNet.  He was too busy with his official and work-related trips that he had lesser time with his family and no way to spare with the BCBP.  You know?  God works in mysterious ways!  Through our fervent prayers and his exposure to the BCBP way of life, he attended the Christian life program (CLP) for the second time and finally committed after he declined and stopped with his first attendance.  In our intimate and personal interactions through our action group or prayer meetings, he used to express that his marital status lacked moral ascendancy.  He was an ex-Redemptorist missionary priest.  We prayed for his dispensation from Rome. 
           
With God’s Grace and upon special consideration or dispensation, Ate Pureza and Kuya Paskie singled out Judy and me as the second couple to serve as their wedding sponsors among the 2 couples they had fondly chosen.  Filled with thanksgiving and excitement, our BCBP unit and action group where they belong decided not to join the 27th BCBP National Anniversary in Cagayan de Oro City because it coincided with their scheduled Church wedding.  We supported and celebrated with them the Solemnity of their Marriage Vows at the Holy Family Retreat House, Nivel Hills, Cebu City last April 28, 2007.  I remember the envious opening comment of the Solemnizing Redemptorist priest, “Paskie, how do you feel being there to be married? …. You have almost completed all the Sacraments of the Catholic Church!!.”

After that, they qualified to participate in the marriage retreat by November of the same year. Basically, he regained his moral ascendancy.  In one of the Novena Masses during his wake, Fr. Emy Maningo, a Redemptorist priest claimed that “Kuya Paskie has a vocation within a bigger vocation”.  

We in the BCBP Consolacion Chapter can testify his all-out commitment to support the vision and mission of the BCBP through his unconditional services being the Breakfast Head.  The regular Saturday breakfast fellowship is our venue to introduce and acquaint new comers and prospective members of the Community.  Being able and capable to respond to multi-tasking, he also acted as our deeply-spirited Intercessory Head.  Kuya Benson Tompong finally accepted the task of being the Chapter Head with the personal commitment and assurance of Kuya Paskie’s moral, physical and spiritual support.

Along with his zeal to serve, Kuya Paskie was our model who taught us the virtues of humility and simplicity being down-to-earth.  He was very diligent, prompt and orderly in managing or administering his duties and responsibilities being a reliable and dependable brother in the service of the Lord.

Personally, our partnership, brotherhood and friendship went beyond BCBP.  We shared the same passion.  He and I love farming.  Through him, I met and increased my circle of friends with whom I share the common advocacy on the virtue of honesty and the spread of our desire for natural, organic farming.  In a seminar/workshop with PhilNet way back in 2008, he introduced me to Tatay Lolong Alfar and Sir Bob Bajenting (who are retired employees with the Department of Agrarian Reform Reg. 7, the latter being the President of the Cebu Coalition for Food Security); Mr. Claro Deguit of PhilNet; Rev. Fr. Domingo Saladaga, AOR (Parish Priest of La Consolacion Parish, Laray, Cebu City); Sir Bimbo Fernandez of Panagtimbayayong (an NGO for the urban poor in Cebu City) Dr. Margallon, MD who spearheads natural, organic farming activities in Alegria, Cebu and many more.

 “Kuya Paskie, thank you very much for connecting me to these valuable people who are my allies to care for the earth, care for the people and care for the future. You have gone ahead of us and we will definitely follow but as to when and how, only God knows.   Your family, relatives and friends; brothers and sisters in the Community and all co-workers in the vineyard of the Lord keep you alive in our hearts and minds.  We ask you to prepare a place for us being our intercessor at the highest heavenly level in the bosom of our Almighty Father.  In faith, we believe to see you again and be reunited with you in Heaven.  Amen.” nmg     


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Begin with the end

Note: Being assigned to deliver the eulogy on October 14, 2011 in behalf of BCBP Consolacion Chapter for our late and dear brother, Kuya Paskie, a.k.a. Pascual Tabuac, Sr., I am posting what I have written 3 years ago.


 “To begin with the end in mind” is the second of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” that Dr. Covey conveys to us.  I am stuck up with this especially on visualizing what my family, relatives and friends, brothers and sisters in the BCBP and my farm workers have to say during the eulogy as to who I was in my lifetime.  Indeed, death is the ultimate example of an “end”.  However, we have many “ends” which we can possibly do while still alive.

In September 2004, I was requested by the widow of my cousin to say something during his wake.  Unprepared, I pointed out a few things about our relationship.  I focused on his desire to serve the Lord full-time because he contemplated to avail of an early retirement.  His brothers and sisters in the Couples for Christ (CFC) were delighted to know his plan but the Lord took him instead in his golden age.

Lately, I dreamed that he readily lent me his clothes to keep me from nakedness.  I realized I forgot to reveal the secret of his conversion.  His elder son was responsible for influencing and bringing him to his spiritual renewal.

Another of my lapses was during the eulogy of the late Kuya Pete Boqueren, an air force colonel and a dear brother of BCBP Mactan.  I should have saluted like the others who paid tribute and thanked him for his admirable gesture when he was still alive.  In spite of his throat cancer, he managed to escort a priest who officiated one of the nightly Masses for my father-in-law.

Last July 4, 2008, the topic for the teaching night was about “attitude towards work” delivered by Ate Girlie Ang.  I was struck when she stated that “many died without utilizing their full potential”.  I assume it was her mere perception.  I believe that God is always giving us the opportunity to live life to the full.  “We cannot choose how many years we may live but we can decide to put life into those limited years”.

I was overwhelmed by the comprehensive presentation of Kuya Butch Gomez on the topic, “attitude towards money and wealth” during the August 8, 2008 teaching night assembly.  Both speakers shared their personal experiences related to their respective topics, the keyword of which is “attitude”.

A personal mission statement is suggested by Dr. Covey regarding our relationship with all persons we love, everyone and everything that surround the ‘circle of our influence”.

To all men of vision and mission, Charles Swindoll lays down the  a, b, c, d and e as our guide.

“[Attitude (a) is more important than facts, the past, education, money, circumstances, successes, failures, what other people say or do, appearance, giftedness or a skill.  The only thing we can do is play on the only string that we have, that is our attitude.  Life is full of surprises and the adjustment of our attitude is a lifelong project or “end”.

Belief (b) is having confidence in the power of God, confidence in others who are in similar battles with us and most especially in having confidence in ourselves by God’s grace.

God says, “You have to allow your capacity (c) to be invaded by My power.”

Determination (d) is hanging tough when the going gets rough.  It is the constant focus on God who is watching and smiling at us.

Enthusiasm (e) is a Greek word, the origin of which is entheos meaning “God is in”.  It is our ability to see God in all situations that makes all events in life exciting.]”

During one of our ‘action group’ meetings, we visualized a harmonious, united, active and spiritually growing BCBP Consolacion.  This is our goal or ‘end’ in mind.  Believing in God’s grace and providence, the group is confident that we will reach our expected ‘end’.

Our Community is one of the many ‘circles of our influence’.  Basically, we have our respective families, our workplaces or marketplaces and so forth.

Going back to Dr. Covey and still dealing with habits 1 and 2 (being proactive and beginning with the end in mind), I appreciate and admire him when he declared that, “the entire body of literature and other materials in visualization and affirmation (Habit 2) appears to have originally come out from the study of the Bible by many individuals”.  This simply means that to be effective in any of our endeavors and relationships, the Holy Bible is our basic guide and enlightenment.


Let us search, research, study and practice the remaining five (5) habits.  In the meantime, we continue to read, reflect and be guided by the Holy Bible.  nmg

Important but not Urgent



Note: Due to the sudden death of a very dear brother in the BCBP Consolacion Chapter, I recall and I am posting what I have written 5 years ago about death.


During our January 2006 Worship Assembly, I declared that one simple but important thing I asked God for this year is to be ready to meet Him when death comes.  Inspired by the perfectly attended and grace-filled “Mesa del Gallo 2005” with our only son, I resolved to actively participate in the early morning (5:30 am) Holy Mass daily for my own spiritual preparation and my loved ones especially my parents who are now in the “departure area”.

The underlying circumstances of world, national, community and personal events in life are horrifying.  We learn from the UNICEF data that the number one cause of death among 1 – 18 years old children and adolescents is vehicular accidents.  The ABS-CBN stampede claimed over 70 lives (Feb. 4, 2006).  Jake, the only son among the 4 children of Kuya Maning and Ate Miriam Conejos is in the ICU (as of this writing) because of a reckless driver (Jan. 27, 2006).  As committed and united BCBP Community, let us empathize with the family and pray for Jake’s complete healing and fast recovery.  With expectant faith, we praise and thank the Greatest Healer for restoring him back to his normal, active young life.

What personally shocked me is the delayed news about the instantaneous death of Kuya Totoy when the car he was driving was pressed, squeezed and flattened against two (2) large buses.  I only learned about it during the weekend with Fr. Herb Schnieder, SJ through the chapter head couple of BCBP Calbayog City who attended the teaching sessions (Feb. 3-4, 2006).

Consider this a tribute to a highly regarded brother who is now with our Creator.  Engr. Manuel “Totoy” and Ate Marietta EspiƱa are both professors of the Tiburcio Tancinco Institute of Science and Technology (TTMIST).  They were our generous hosts when Judy and I were invited to share in the BCBP Breakfast Fellowship years ago in Calbayog City.  We met again during the 24th BCBP National Anniversary in Dipolog City on April 2004.  I am sad realizing that it turned out to be our last encounter.  That final meeting was filled with active interaction, enlightenment and consolation.  I openly made known to him my guilt feelings when I failed to prevent the suicide of Kepner, a young BCBP brother under our unit.  That timely and opportune morning until noon dialogue from Dumaguete wharf to Dapitan was uplifting because I was talking with a true and faithful messenger of God.  He unburdened me when he related and vividly recalled how he attempted to kill himself when he was only 21 years old. I opt to keep the details of his story between ourselves.  However, I wish to express my sincere admiration for his openness (although he was hesitant at first), his courage and his noble accomplishment of a holy mission that was to be reconciled with his father and mother before his parents eventually died.  The healing of relationship happened when the couple joined the BCBP.  To Ate Marietta, I offer a special prayer for spiritual strength and endurance being untimely left by Kuya Totoy childless.

Why the unexpected and tragic death?  Instead of questioning God, let us pray with humility the following personal prayer (Fr. Orbos, SVD. Inquirer Moments. Cycle B. p.8):

“Lord, when my time comes, do not call me by sudden death; not by accident that tears the body apart; not by illness that leaves my mind confused or senses impaired; not by the mercy of evil forces; not with a heart filled with hate or body racked with pain; not abandoned, lonely, without love and care; not with my own hands in moments of despair.  Jesus, let death come to me as a gentle friend to sit and linger till You call my name. Amen.”

Let us reflect and take into account a happy death to live life to the full.  The weekend teaching about the 5 moments of truth in “interpersonal relationships” by our BCBP National Director taught and guided me to seriously deal with our mortality.  How do we like to be remembered by our family, relatives and friends when we are gone?

This is an important matter but not urgent.  However, let us “do something about it” now! nmg

An added note: “In our death-denying and youth-worshipping culture, we go to great lengths to avoid facing even the smallest reminders of death.” (Peck, M.S. 1997. The Road Less Traveled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in the Age of Anxiety. Simon & Schuster. p. 86).